Bill of Goods
by Chandra Steele
Watch your step. That door saddle always gets me. I lost a cute chunky heel to it last week.
The wall hanging is from Ulan Bator. We went there on our third date. On our first date we were talking about that couple who, on their first date, backpacked through Europe together for a month. So we thought if we made it to a third date we’d spend three months doing that through Asia. On our second date we did those questions that make you fall in love so we made it through our second date OK. There’s not a price on the wall hanging but like...$500? I could let it go for $500.
What about living-room things? This ottoman is amazing. Johan and I eat dinner on it. We don’t really cook because we like to keep all the kitchen things clean for when people come through. But we arrange takeout on the little tray on that buffet over there and then put it on top of the ottoman and it’s perfect. The tray isn’t for sale yet. It’s part of a collaboration we’re doing but I don’t think I can talk about it yet. The ottoman is $3,000.
Collaborations are weird. We sat down with them. I really can’t tell you who they are but I promise you, you have been to one of their stores. Like just a couple stops away they have a location. To think of walking in and seeing something with our names on it in that beautiful setting near the bridge in Dumbo. Just ugh. I cannot wait.
But working with them was a lot. We told them all our ideas and they listened and were polite and all but then they were like, “Here’s how we can refine what you’ve come up with for our like 100 stores here.” And we had sketched out all these things. Not on paper, but with our words, and then they came back with these trays and a throw blanket. They’re great though and our name will be on them like I said.
Our business is probably going to go through the roof when it does. Hahaha I didn’t even mean it that way. Though I am kind of trying to keep it on the DL from the landlord. I don’t think he reads the sites or anything. The Times called and they might come by and profile us because how many people are there living their complete lives but also constantly selling it, too? It’s a compelling story. Sometimes I stop and think about it and it even moves me and I’m the one doing it. Well me and Johan. We have bathroom stuff, too, if you want to go in there. Cute fluffy mats and towels. Let’s go look at the toothbrush cup. It’s this marble that you can only get from one quarry in the Italian Alps.
Here’s a weird thing that happened. When we were setting this up I wondered if it violated the lease or anything to be selling stuff out of here. I mean we really do live here and use everything, that’s the point. But I didn’t know if having people walk through and making it all buyable was totally legal. All those Airbnb stories, you know? They’re still around and everything though so. What was I saying?
Oh yeah so I wanted to look at the lease. It’s really Johan’s place and I just moved in after we got back from Asia. So I went over to his desk in the bedroom. Oh, let me show it to you. It’s from this guy in Iowa. He was making them in a lot a few blocks away for a while out of just stuff he found on the street. Anyway I went in there to find the lease and when I was reading it I noticed that it said “John” on it and not “Johan.” Isn’t that strange?
I asked him about it when he got home. “Is your name Johan or is it John?” He said, “My parents named me John but I feel like Johan.” I mean I can totally respect that but I felt a little funny for a while. I get it: do you, be who you want to be, don’t let anyone define you especially your parents, right? But I fell in love with Johan on that second date. I traveled with Johan. Who is John? Does he live here?
See anything you want?
Chandra Steele is a writer and journalist from New York. Her work has appeared in Wigleaf, Storm Cellar, Ample Remains, Vol. 1 Brooklyn, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Entropy, and others. Rick Moody once said she wrote the best description of a racetrack he has ever read. She has never been to a racetrack. More of her writing can be found at chandrasteele.com.
